You could argue that every single night in Philadelphia plays host to
some kind of gruesome assault. The difference tonight? This is the
first time it’s under trademark.
UFC 101 "Declaration" -- headlined by B.J. Penn’s first-ever unified
lightweight title defense -- is scheduled for a 10 PM EST start. If
you’re unable or unwilling to visit Philly’s Wachovia Center and/or
don’t want to risk $44.95 on Anderson Silva once again mistaking the
Octagon for a ballroom, you can settle in here for up-to-the-hematoma
coverage. It may not beat a ringside seat, but it
also won't require a second mortgage.
I opened the New York Post on Friday and noticed an advertisement
notifying that Larry Flynt’s Hustler Club would be airing UFC 101
"Declaration" with “complimentary admission.”
If you are in the New York area, I cannot compete with this. Residents
outside the tri-state area should refresh this page for live updates
and observations from tonight’s card.
10 p.m. ET -- "Finally, they put an opponent in front of me that
won't run." Anderson Silva ponders the advantages of fighting Forrest
Griffin. For a guy who runs 240 pounds out of camp, there aren't many.
10:02 p.m. ET -- Live from Philadelphia, birthplace of the
extremely talented Lawrence brothers. I am partial to Joey, but if you
like Andrew, you like Andrew. I’m OK with it.
10:03 p.m. ET -- This broadcast has about 10 seconds to win me over,
and it begins and ends with whether they cut to a shot of the Rocky
Balboa statue.
10:04 p.m. ET -- They cut to Mike Goldberg. Now I’m just here to pay
my electric bill. Emotionally, I’m gone.
10:06 p.m. ET -- The Burger King peep-cams are live. Griffin looks
quite a bit like Johny Hendricks.
10:10 p.m. ET -- Lightweights Kurt Pellegrino and Josh Neer are on
deck: two guys who fight like Bolo Yeung just kidnapped their sister.
10:11 p.m. ET -- Interesting: the Philadelphia Commission checks
gloves just prior to fighters entering the cage, not in the dressing
room.
10:14 p.m. ET -- Pellegrino gets the body slam, Jimmy Snuka-style, and
settles into Neer's guard. The Philly fans are giving both athletes a
generous 45 seconds before they begin questioning their fortitude.
10:18 p.m. ET -- Some vicious hugging; a bronzed Dan Miragliotta
implores the men to raise the stakes before the crowd gets their
torches. Pellegrino probably won the round.
10:23 p.m. ET -- In danger of the crowd getting behind him, Pellegrino
follows a brief exchange with a takedown and works like holy hell to
get the mount. It's amazing how that position -- once good for breaking
every bone in a fighter's face -- doesn't mean a whole lot anymore.
Pellegrino finishes the second round in the Heimlich position.
10:25 p.m. ET -- The first successful lap for new Octagon girl Natasha
Wicks. Quantum physics' loss is the UFC's gain.
10:28 p.m. ET -- You can't blame Pellegrino for sticking with what
works: with Neer unable to peel his back off of the mat, Pellegrino is
en route to a decision victory. Neer, emboldened with the deepest
respect instilled by the rich tradition of the martial arts,
bitch slaps him.
10:30 p.m. ET -- With 10 seconds to go, Neer decides he should do
something and proceeds to elbow Pellegrino's head until it squirts
pasta sauce. Unfortunately, there's that 14:50 of being dominated to
worry about: 30-27 all across the board for Pellegrino.
10:33 p.m. ET -- Neighboring New Jersey resident Ricardo Almeida
enters the arena to face Kendall Grove. Almeida is thinking of
dropping to 170 pounds. How will he handle Grove, who’s so tall he
appears to be on stilts? I would have advised watching Bruce Lee vs.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
10:37 p.m. ET -- Grove steps in. I get the feeling his nickname, “Da
Spyder,” was given to him in jest, and he’s the only one who didn’t
know it.
10:38 p.m. ET -- Tito Ortiz is spotted on a UFC telecast for the first
time in over a year. The crowd appears less than excited and more
than a little bothered.
10:44 p.m. ET -- Almeida is all over Grove, refusing to give him any
space. Grove might be one of those weird "tweener" types, too lanky to
cut to 170 and too lanky to be competitive at 185. Almeida is making
it look very easy to toss him.
10:46 p.m. ET -- Grove nearly nails an armbar on Almeida, and he's
lucky to have escaped: Renzo Gracie probably would've finished tearing
it off to beat him with it later in the evening. If you are a
jiu-jitsu black belt and someone nicknamed "Da Spyder" submits you,
you're not -- hey, Jeff Blatnick sighting -- going to live it
down easy.
10:50 p.m. ET -- Almeida looks visibly fatigued as the referee
implores him to return to his feet. The blanket and pillow may have
been a little much. He decides to rest in Grove's guard instead. He'll
win a decision, though Grove makes a valiant attempt to confuse judges
by raising his hands.
10:58 p.m. ET -- The entering Johny Hendricks is a four-time Div. I
All-American. I know that sounds like a bunch of obtuse nonsense; all
you need to know is that it qualifies him to snap the spine of 99.9 percent
of the population. With a toothpick in his mouth.
11 p.m. ET -- As you may recall, Amir Sadollah earned “The Ultimate
Fighter” title in April 1995 and has yet to appear since, citing
everything from infection to injury to constipation. I sincerely hope
he can make it to the cage without succumbing to scabies.
11:03 p.m. ET -- Hendricks uses his extensive knowledge of wrestling
to punch the crap out of Sadollah, pummeling him into the fence;
referee Dan Miragliotta runs in like he was in a time trial. The crowd
is not happy.
11:12 p.m. ET -- Aaron Riley enters to try and resolve the ambiguous
finish (a loss) against Shane Nelson from last March. He's 28 and has
been fighting for 12 years. Not sure how that math shakes out.
11:17 p.m. ET -- Not for nothing, but Kenny Florian looks extremely
stern backstage, like he's just been audited. I'm not sure if
motivation can overcome experience and ability, but if it can, Florian
appears to be willing himself into a title.
11:22 p.m. ET -- Revenge is apparently a pretty good teacher: Riley is
muscling Nelson around and landing. At round's end, some fans catch
sight of themselves on camera and start waving. At themselves.
11:25 p.m. ET -- Backstage, Forrest Griffin is tying his shoe. This is
riveting.
11:27 p.m. ET -- "Rahh!" At round's end, Riley tosses Nelson to the
ground. No finesse, just an angry grunt followed by a thud. Sometimes
simple is best.
11:30 p.m. ET -- The crowd goes wild in reaction to a fight in the
stands. Philadelphia: where the security detail needs security detail.
11:35 p.m. ET -- The Philadelphia judges briefly stop throwing punches
at one another to award Riley the decision.
11:38 p.m. ET -- Anderson Silva and Forrest Griffin, two men who could
not provoke two more different audience reactions, are up; Griffin
jogs to the ring, probably to avoid getting stabbed along the way.
11:43 p.m. ET -- Former McDonald's employee (honestly) Silva enters to
a mixed reaction. He looks a little thick around the edges. This is
what happens when the best-cheesesteak debate starts.
11:48 p.m. ET -- Silva mugs in mock concern when the crowd hisses at him.
11:50 p.m. ET -- Griffin begins playing Silva's game. You should
probably try fighting Silva, not kickboxing him, but -- oh, no but.
Silva drops him with a right. Silva is getting amped and wades in.
This is knife vs. stick. Silva knocks him out with an almost apathetic
air. Griffin is laid out, waves off further punishment, then runs out
of the ring and backstage. That's probably not
neurologist-recommended.
11:59 p.m. ET -- Leonidas is significantly less intimidating without
the beard. Kimbo should take note.
12:02 a.m. ET -- Penn/Florian. If Penn put in the time, then Florian
will be going five rounds with a wood chipper. If he didn't, Florian
will take the later rounds.
12:07 a.m. ET -- “It’s time to kill the master.” At some point,
someone got hold of Kenny Florian and instructed him on the art of the
interview. Around 2006, he was sheepish and polite. Sometime in 2008,
he turned into Brutus Beefcake.
12:07 a.m. ET -- Florian comes out to a Mick riff from "Rocky." You do
what you gotta do. This crowd is dangerous. Liddell was mugged in his
seat and didn't say squat.
12:12 a.m. ET -- Penn enters with the weird affectation of flicking
his tongue out like a lizard.
12:18 a.m. ET -- A very keyed-up Penn is way, way torqued at that
"kill the master" business and cracks Kenny right away. He's stalking,
Kenny is evading.
12:22 a.m. ET -- There's plenty of chatter that Penn is looking
fatigued, but the flying knee is a conversation closer. An easy first
round for Penn. Penn could get bored midway through the fight; Kenny
is otherwise in deep.
12:25 a.m. ET -- Florian keeps attempting takedowns. Florian is not
great at takedowns. Penn is great at takedown defense. This is
probably meant to be unpredictable. Falling to the floor and sobbing
would also be unpredictable. Doesn't mean it would work.
12:36 a.m. ET -- Penn is getting the better of the infighting,
smacking Florian upside his head when Florian ducks for a takedown.
Penn appears to be too tired to have any murderous intent, but it's
enough to keep Florian behind on the cards.
12:40 a.m. ET -- Penn works over Florian from mount, back mount, then
finishes with a choke. The Philadelphia fans, happy to see a violent
finish, agree to release the hostages.