The-MRI-Fund Award: Eric “Red” Schafer, for taking a disturbing number of blows to the head -- and then fighting for 10 more minutes. No more Kazushi Sakuraba footage for you.

The Zoom-Zoom-Airplane-Award: Mauricio Rua, for getting staggered by Machida and then making the body-language gesture for airplane wings. (It would’ve been better if he had made the propeller noises.)

The I-Don’t-Care-About-the-Camera Award: Rua, for looking incredibly morose backstage after the bout, like a title had been stolen from him and an orphanage had just blown up.

The Building-Cannot-Contain-This-Much-Mediocrity Award: To Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore and David Spade, some kind of unholy trinity responsible for movies I wouldn’t watch in solitary confinement.