After watching my beloved Texas Longhorns and Dallas Cowboys squeak out some big wins this weekend, I was on such a football high that I couldn’t care if the contestants on TUF had a pillow fight this week. Luckily, the two men who ended up fighting each offered an interesting enough match-up that I snapped out of my gridiron dream and into the reality of the Octagon.
Last week Brad Imes (Pictures) eliminated Rob MacDonald with a triangle choke and picked up 5 g’s in the process. Team Franklin eliminated one of Hughes’ boys, setting the stage for an interesting fight for the welterweights.
This week we find the boys enjoying some fine Gordon Biersch beer. Yes the same brand of beer that is owned by the Fertitta brothers, who also happen to own the UFC. Gordon Biersch may not be at your local beer store. I’ve never seen it in Texas but I did enjoy a delicious pizza and brew at a Gordon Biersch restaurant in Honolulu once. My ex and I enjoyed a few of these pops and then she decided to tell me that we were through for good. What wonderful memories, I see that label and immediately think of how that lager inadvertently ruined my life.
OK, so it really wasn’t the beer’s fault she left me, but I still bristle when I see that bottle. Young Joe Stevenson (Pictures) doesn’t seem to share my concerns as he enjoys the beer in large quantity. For the first time this TUF season, we are treated to some drunken shenanigans and though while moderately entertaining, thankfully they are not nearly as destructive as last years batch. Joe seems to be getting on some of the guys nerves while he’s on the sauce.
What a surprise. Being around a drunk when you are sober is quite irritating. Not there’s-a-fly-in-my-soup irritating. But “I’m driving cross country in a van with Carrot Top, Anna Nicole, Omorosa, three red-headed orphan children and any fat mom from ‘Wife swap’” — no we are not there yet and no we aren’t stopping at Dairy Queen.
While Joe is drunk, he doesn’t really seem to be all that out of control. (It is still worth noting since last season’s drinking escapades almost tanked the show no pun intended.) Joe takes this time to try for an impromptu cuddle session with Jorge Gurgel (Pictures).
Could there be romance on The Ultimate Fighter? No. Jorge pushes him away gently and calls him a jackass.
Once apart, Jorge schemes with some of his teammates on TUF strategy. Jorge and Joe may be on a collision course since both guys seem to be working angles to get the fights they want. Jorge meets up with his homeboy Marcus Davis and they do some more planning on whom they want to eliminate from Team Hughes.
Later we find Jorge up to some shenanigans of his own. He treats the other guys to his talents and snorts a string of spaghetti up his nose and then pulls it out and eats it. Great, now I need a drink.
The next day we get to the best five minutes of every show, yep, the Extreme Right Guard Challenge! Randy Couture (Pictures) shows up and announces that the guys will be competing in a game of “hangman.” I get real excited. Finally, a battle of wits and we can find out which of these guys has the best vocabulary!
Turns out, it was even better than that. Actually the guys have to hang from a jungle gym and try to get the other team’s guy to drop by grabbing onto him with your feet and pulling him off. This is the first challenge that gets my total approval because it’s a contest that used to be featured on American Gladiators. Yes! I wish they would bring back every thrilling American Gladiator contest and make them part of this show. Can you imagine? Bring back “Ice,” “Diamond” and “Blaze” immediately and let them shoot tennis balls at Keith Jardine (Pictures). It would be huge. Are you listening Dana, can you say double the ratings?
Jorge outlasts Joe on the jungle gym and puts Team Franklin in position to pick the fight they want. Marcus Davis decides to step up and challenge one of Team Hughes’s best welterweights, Joe Stevenson (Pictures).
The match-up is the same old song and dance: striker vs. grappler. Marcus is a former Gold Gloves champ out of Maine who has never been knocked out in 18 years of fighting. Impressive for sure but Marcus also claims “I have the best hands in the world.”
Slow down there tiger. I have no doubt that with Marcus’s pedigree; he probably does have best standup in the TUF house — but the world? It’s always alarming to me when these guys start making big claims like this because it’s never the guys on top that make such claims. You don’t hear Liddell saying he’s the hardest puncher in the world, despite probably being one. I mean I’m not going to come out and say that I’m the best writer on the Sherdog staff because it’s unrealistic and it’s not true. I’m just the best looking one.
Marcus is sure to have his hands full on this fight as Joe is known as a great ground fighter and one of the few contestants on this show whom I’ve been hearing about for years. Even Dana questioned the thinking on choosing Joe as an opponent. Why make things harder for yourself? Why not choose a weaker fighter to scrap with and save yourself from a tough fight, or worse a win with an injury. I’m sure that most of the contestants on this show are very tough guys and while it may seem a bit cowardly to call out an opponent that is easier to handle … calling out a badass isn’t going to get you that UFC contract.
Both men easily make weight and we have the first TUF season-two fight that has some real anticipation. Marcus can certainly give Joe some real trouble if the fight stays standing but everyone seems to the think that he will have no chance if they go to the ground.
It’s fight day and both men are ready to rock. Marcus “The Irish Hand Grenade” Davis dons his special war kilt and prepares himself to fight. Ah yes, the Irish hand grenade, not to be confused with the “Irish Car bomb” — 1/2 pint Guinness, 1 oz. Jamison Whiskey and 1/2 oz. Bailey's Irish cream — a dangerous concoction that can really prepare a man for watching a live UFC as I found out when Tito last fought Vitor.
Had I enjoyed one less of these bombs, I might not have mischievously asked Mark McGrath if he needed to borrow some cash while he was in line for beer and hot dogs at the MGM Grand. Too much booze always brings about comedy folks.
Well Marcus and Joe finally make their way into the Octagon and turns out someone forgot to pull the pin on that hand grenade. After a minute or so of feeling each other out, Joe gets a single-leg and picks up Marcus. He walks him over to his corner and puts him down, hard. Marcus injures his shoulder during this slam and from there on out its all Joe Stevenson (Pictures). He’s able to get side-mount and rain dozens of elbows until Marcus calls it quits and taps out.
Marcus announces that this will be his last fight since he is in his 30s and needs to be with his kids more and take less punishment on his body. It’s a shame that he lost but he can hold his head high as Joe looked very good and is an obviously talented fighter.
Team Franklin has made a costly mistake and now a good fighter is gone and a less deserving contestant has been preserved. But that dear friends, is how the game is played.